Candlemas 2020

Photo by Jenn Wells-Brock (Sophia)

Candlemas is a really weird experience for me.  Last year was my second time attending, but first time fighting.  This year was my second time fighting. This was daunting as a job loss had kept me out of armor for approximately 3 months.  During my off time, I had made massive strives to improve the fit and finish of my kit.  I did what I could but my anxiety hit hard about a week before the tournament. 

Let's take a step back, for a moment and allow me to explain some things.  I am not a great fighter. I am overweight, with limited mobility in my right side hip and back thanks to an old injury. I move slower than most, and have limited time to practice due to family life.  Now, I am not making excuses, just prefacing where I am so that as I proceed to tell you about this adventure you will have some reference.

Back to Candlemas anxiety, I posted on Facebook on the days leading up to the event that I was feeling anxious.  I was worried that if I went and got in armor, I'd be wasting other fighter's valuable time against a far inferior opponent.  I had many people reach out to me and encourage me to go, and my knight, his Grace, Duke Cellach gave me the victory condition of just attending the event and being in armor. I thought to myself, this I can do.

So early Saturday morning (4 AM), I get up and drive to Duke Cellach's house and ride with him the 3.5 hours to the event.  We get there and I was able to get an early start, warming up, stretching and calming myself for the day to come.  As I got into armor, I had many people stop by and say hello to me, welcoming me and complimenting me on my kit.  I get inspection out of the way early, and then spend some time testing movement in my kit.  I could still feel a bit of tension in my back from the fitment of my leg harness but after loosening some tension in the thighs, everything seem to settle into place.  The fighter pools were announced, and I couldn't hear my name called as the noise levels in the busy rooms made it all but impossible for me to focus. Finally I found my pool and prepared myself.

I was in armor, my victory condition was already met for the event, now I could focus on just feeling my way through my fights. Should a tournament be a time to do this....nope, but it was all I had. So I went with it, and decided to focus on controlling myself in the fight.  Keep my breathing steady, try to maintain distance and pressure and look for openings. I'd love to say that I mastered these things and came out winning in my pool, but that wouldn't be true.  I did however, find that my focus on things I could control, kept me in all of my fights longer than past fights, except for one fight, where I poorly misjudged distance and the ability of my opponent to close the distance and shoot a small gap in my defense. That fight was over in seconds.  The rest, however, I felt good about, even though I only won one of my fights. 

Having recently watched a video by of a class taught by a Duke Tomuki, about Fighting and Survivability, I attempted to follow some of the advice from the class. This is advice that has been echoed by my own knight and many others, but sometimes hearing things in different ways helps convey a message.  [Video link: https://youtu.be/p5oBqilZFiw]

In my fights, I was contained in a 10x10 square.  I could maintain distance to a limited degree, but I could shift the angle of attack through movement off the "X".  Using this to my advantage, I could shift out of range, or when in range just soak up the blows, waiting for an opening.  I didn't throw any random shots, didn't exchange blows just because they threw a shot.  I waited for an opening, watching to see if I moved here, or shifted my weight there, what did my opponent do.  Each opponent brought different skills to the table, and there simply isn't enough time to learn as much as I needed to during a tournament and before you knew it, I was out.  So I took some time to watch some more fights, staying in armor, preparing myself for some pick up fights. After watching a few more rounds, I went outside and put my helmet back on. 

Now I had an opportunity to really practice.  I wish I could make practices on a regular basis, as there is no substitute for time in armor.  Pell work is great, exercise and weight training is great, but muscle memory is created through practice during realistic simulation.  I was able to fight six or seven more opponents, each with varying styles and strengths.  Results varied greatly, but I can say that I am far more confident in myself after the time I gained in armor on Saturday.  I may never be the greatest tournament fighter, or the guy leading everyone into the melee.  I can and will be a solid fight for any opponent I face.  I am working to create change for myself, through mental and physical exercise, and through time and experiences, so that I can become a fighter that others can look forward to fighting against.  I don't need to win (at least not all the time), but I definitely want others to fight me and be able to say that I put up a challenge and I think I am getting there.  Two years ago, I felt like picking up a sword and a shield was uber awkward.  My arms would quickly tire and I would run out of breath after putting my armor on.  Last year, I would watch videos of my fights, and couldn't understand why I looked like I was flailing around like a madman swatting after a bee. Now, after three years of fighting I'm beginning to understand some of the concepts, seeing the patterns in movement, understanding how to move out of a shot, or how to best block a shot to the point I'm even starting to set up combinations of my own.

Candlemas is a reminder that I have a long way to go, and much more time needed in armor.  But, it is also a stark reminder of where I started, and how far I have come.  I would strongly remind every fighter who has become discouraged to look at the change from where we started to where we reside.  What the future holds is unknown to us, but it is right there, waiting for us to snatch it. So get back out there, get in armor, have fun and make change!

Yours in service,
Torstein Hartviksson